On Wednesday night, I learned an important life lesson. It's a true secret to happiness. I wish I could say that it came out of my own experience and reflection. That's not how I learned it. Instead I heard it from Mufti Azeemuddin Ahmed, a very wise man.
Are you ready for it? This is some really profound stuff.
Here it is: Don't expect anything from anybody.
At first, this might not sound that impressive. In fact, it sounds very negative. But in a way, it's very positive. Think about it though. Isn't a lot of disappointment in life cause by expectations, by false hopes? You come to someone expecting something and they don't deliver. Or you go someplace, expecting it to be so fun, and it really isn't.
Let's flesh this out with some examples. Say it's your first day at a new job. You go there expecting people to be very friendly. You anticipate that they'll show you the ropes. You expect them to help you make friends. You expect them to help ease your transition into your new surroundings. Well suppose none of that happens. How would you feel then? Pretty bad, right? But what if, you didn't expect so much? What if you had expected nothing? If you hadn't expected people to help you, you wouldn't be so disappointed when they didn't help you.
Are you starting to see the wisdom behind the statement?
Here's another example, one that the Mufti gave. Say you're a newlywed bride. You just marred this guy. You expect nothing out of him. Every night you make dinner for him. He eats it, but he says nothing. Then one night he says, "Hey honey, this time you didn't ruin it with too much salt. Nice job." Think about how good you'd feel. You weren't expecting anything, but you got a compliment, albeit a left-handed one.
P.S. - The song that I'm "currently listenting to," Jeff Buckley's "Hallelujah," is amazing.And I discovered it by watching American Idol. Weird.
Comments (4)
that statement has been the pessimist's mantra since the end of time....
I agree with the advice, but is it practical? I find that I expect less of people, but it's impossible. It's like telling people to control emotions all the time.
My own trick is to have a revisionist view of things. When something didn't meet expectations, it was a result of luck or bad circumstances. When something was good, it was the result of skill.
My own example of this is when I send people messages. If someone replies to my email, it's because it was interesting and they like me. If not, it's because they must have had something going on...
Chris: I don't really see it as pessimism. To me, a pessimist is a person who thinks we live in the worst of possible worlds. If you have no expectations, you would think we live in neither the best nor the worst of worlds.
Presh: I agree that there's a limit to the extent to which one can lower one's expectations. I like your system of revisionism. You can't control what happens but you can control how you interpret it.
-a pessimist is someone who evaluates something in an unjustly negative light. Not expecting good from others, (which is part of not expecting in general) is part of the pessimist's job.
-Find a new mufti to call wise. His example is cruel.
-You should go into a new job expecting the best, but being prepared for the worst.
-Yes, disappointments in life are largely caused by failed expectations, but if you don't wake up every morning expecting the best, then there's no point in getting out of bed. You've gotta have hope (false or otherwise) to keep you going. Just ask Ponce de leon.